Did You Ever Have a Temper Tantrum with God?
As a little girl, I had a deep hunger for God, but had absolutely no idea how to find Him. I would walk to church alone hoping to find what I was looking for, but everyone automatically assumed that a child who would make the effort to do that must already know and understand about God and His plan for her life. Because of that, everyone neglected to show me what I desperately needed to know.
As a teenager I was one of the lucky ones to find a hunk of a guy who loved and lived for God, but I was afraid if I told him I did not know how to become a Christian, he would be ashamed of me. So I simply went forward in the church we were attending, and I was told I needed to “join” the church. I was blessed enough to marry that fellow, but I still hungered inside to really “know” God. Finally, as a 21-year old young wife and mother of two kids at that time (three now and Nana to six more!), I cried out to the Lord to send someone into my life that would show me how to know Him. At a Billy Graham crusade, He sent that person who showed me the Way to know Him personally, and as a young wife and mom, I received Him as my Lord and Savior. Nothing has ever been the same since. He changed my life and gave me all the meaning and fulfillment I had ever hoped to find. Today, over 35 years later and still married to that same hunk, I can honestly say God has never let me down. He has always been faithful — even when I was not.
After finally finding what I had been looking for all my life, I had a burning desire to know how to be the woman, wife and mother God would have me to be. In those days there was little teaching specifically for women on these subjects, and what was out there was vague and offered little help in practical application.
The description of the model woman in Proverbs 31 and the Titus 2:3-5 teaching for women soon became my goal in life, but I remained frustrated in how to put those teachings into practice. For example, I knew I was to love my husband, and I did very much, but found it awfully hard to live out that love on those days when I would rather choke him like a chicken! And love my children — oh, did I! I knew my purpose in life was to teach and train them to serve our Lord, but that knowledge only made me feel like a failure on those days (and there were many for a mother of three boys!) when total chaos seemed to rule the roost. I knew I needed help, and there seemed no where to turn for it.
On one of those days when I had about all I could take, a scene erupted in our little kitchen in Florence, SC. I stood there totally frustrated, watching as my three young sons sat around my feet. They were wailing at the tops of their voices! I do not remember what caused all the racket, but I do remember doing the only other thing I knew to do at the time: I joined right in there with them, wailing and crying out to my Daddy, God. As they soon quieted in wide-eyed wonder, I cried out, “Lord, I want to be the right kind of mom. I want to raise them right. I want to be a good and godly wife. I just do not know how! I need a teacher, a mentor to show me. I need you, Lord, and I need a human who cares and knows what I don’t. Why will you not send someone Lord?” And taking this little tantrum up a notch, I stomped my foot in frustration and shouted, “And when I am an old woman, do not let me forget this! Help me be willing to help young moms learn what no one seems willing to teach me now!”
I was still a very young Christian and did not know any better than to pitch a tantrum with my Lord. In His mercy and grace, he did send some humans to help along the way, but mostly He Himself was my help — through His Word — teaching and training me through each season of life as each new struggle presented itself.
I forgot all about that tantrum, never thinking about it again until September 2001. I was having my devotions and prayer time while attending our church ladies retreat when the Lord spoke to my heart and said, “It is time!” I did not get it at first, but then that scene in the kitchen flashed across my mind seemingly in slow motion as each and every word I spoke came back to me. He then spoke again to my heart: “You promised. You asked me to not let you forget. Now it’s time to do for other young moms what no one was willing to do for you that day - teach them.” I looked up to see all the young moms sitting around me in the meeting room that day. The Lord continued: “Teach them what I have taught you. They need to know, and I am calling you to be the one to teach them.” That is when Living in A Zoo? classes & books were born.
Over the next few years, I taught these classes at my home church, Hunter Hills Baptist Church (which is now Life Community Church in Jamestown, NC.) Little did I know that His plan was for more than just the ladies of my church.
Now some eight years later, God has seen this teaching published in a Bible study book not only in English, but Portuguese and Spanish as well. I have had the opportunity to speak to thousands of ladies in many different areas in the US and in Brazil, and will soon go into Spanish speaking countries in South America.
To be honest, I never dreamed of it going into other countries because I thought the frustrations I felt as that young mom was more of an American cultural thing - not something young moms in other countries and cultures would relate to. That just shows how narrow minded we can all be sometimes - but thankfully God knows what every woman needs no matter where they live, and His Word ministers to all cultures, languages and nations!
I have been amazed to learn that all women and young mothers especially, are so much alike no matter where we come from! I cannot wait to see how “my story” changes throughout 2009! To Him be the glory!