Break Away with Brenda………

Grab your coffee mug and take a short break from the Zoo of Life!

A Zookeeper’s Daily Dose of Encouragement 

This week we want to offer a special welcome to Military gals, soldiers, wives, and moms!

What a picture! Just 43 days earlier the same men standing with Jesus in Bethany - were scattered, full of fear, grieving their hearts out because the One they loved and counted on the most - was dead. They were going through the same shock and grieving process we go through any time we lose a loved one. It hurts so bad we don’t see how we can make it through another day. Many times we just want to go with them because it hurts too bad to be left behind. The disciples thought life as they knew it - had ended, life as they had hoped it would be - was destroyed, their purpose in life -completely and utterly gone. During those moments they saw no hope for the future. They felt lonely, full of regret for their failures and inconsolable in their loss.  

I know how that feels. I remember so well how I felt after my precious mother died after a long battle with cancer, leaving me behind with my loneliness, regret, and heartbreaking loss. Mom and I were close although we sometimes struggled with our own failures in the temperamental mother-daughter relationship. And now I couldn’t make up to her for the failures for which I was responsible. Now that relationship was over — or was it?

The disciples thought their relationship with Jesus was over too, and their feelings of failure were about to consume them. But they were wrong. Their feelings blinded them to the victory coming! Look at what really happened! Here they are, a mere 43 days later and what are they doing? They are bursting with joy, praising the Lord and going on with life with purpose and excitement! Why? Because Jesus’ death wasn’t the end of the story! Because He was Who he was, he had victory over death and we can too if we will turn to Him.

Because Jesus defeated death we can have victory over the horrible grief, loss and regret we are left with. Look at the last thing Jesus did before He left their sight – He blessed them and told them He was sending them the Comforter. Earlier He had promised He was going away to prepare a place for them to come with Him someday. He promised them this life is not all there is - they would be rejoined with Him some day.

Let us cling to that promise also! I’ll see my precious Mom again! She is not gone – just gone from my sight – and just like the disciples I can walk on in this life rejoicing, praising God and looking forward to our reunion! Until then I can go in joy to fulfill the purpose for which God has given me on this planet.  You can too!

Look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith! The giver of Victory! Go today in blessing!

Your traveling partner,

Brenda

We appreciate you and your sacrifice more than you will ever know!

Break Away with Brenda

Grab your coffee mug and take a short break from the Zoo of Life!

Questions from one ZooKeeper to another………

#6  My Knight in Shining Armor is Rusty!

Q. I dated my husband for 3 years before I married him and he was sweet, attentive and romantic. But now he’s either working late or wanting to go out with the guys - and sweet and romantic, well, that’s gone by the wayside too. Marriage is not what I thought it was going to be, and well, I think I just want a divorce.

A. Honey, you don’t want a divorce; what you want is for marriage to be what you thought it would be in the beginning. What you have to figure out is, were your expectations out of line or are the two of you just needing to go back to a few principals that were a part of your relationship before you married each other?

I remember when I was dating Tom, why I almost thought he hung the moon! We dated for three and a half years and we couldn’t wait to get married. Now, we were a mite young for marriage, you see we were high school sweethearts, but we didn’t even consider that. All we wanted was to graduate and get married. Every Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights we dated. We spent every minute together that we could. Of course, we were also both very active in high school activities. I was a cheerleader and a dozen clubs; he was a sports star year around. He either had football, basketball or track events several days every week. The point is we were both busy doing what we enjoyed when we weren’t together.

Get the point? No responsibilities other than what we wanted to do. Now I know most couples don’t marry the guy they dated in high school, but the principal is the same. You both were busy doing the things in life you wanted to do. If you were in college, you still went to classes, participated in extra-curricular activities, and maybe worked a job in addition.

If you were already out of college and into your career, you had a life other than him and when you got together you enjoyed talking about it and listening to him talk about his interests. No matter what age you were when you were dating, when you got together you excitedly talked about dreams for the future. You didn’t have a lot of shared responsibilities weighing you down.

Now when you get together at the end of the day, what do you talk about? The kids, money problems, and repairs the house needs - see what I mean?

There are other differences to notice as well, for example, as you think back to when you were dating and he was being all romantic and sweet, how were you treating him different from the way you do now?

And when you were dating, what did you do before he came to pick you up? Did you get all dolled up, put on perfume; fix your hair and make-up? When he came to pick you up, how did you greet him? With a smile? With a kiss?  Well, how did you greet him when you saw him last night? What were you wearing?  Did you smell good?

You see my friend we have changed too. And many times all we both need is to get back to the basics. We need to cherish one another; we need to dream together again. It’s not just him who has forgotten. If you don’t believe me, just ask him.

Remember how you thought he was the greatest thing since nail polish? Remember all those long talks in the moonlight? Were you interested in what was going on in his life when he talked about it?

My friend, did you love him?

 I Corinthians 13: 4-7 says:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

In the everyday struggles of life it’s easy to focus on the negative but in the end where does that get you? Does it get you the joy and fulfillment you want in life? Of course not, it only gets you deeper into hopelessness. And guess what, getting out of the marriage you are in now and into another won’t either. Relationships are not built because of a lack of struggle, but in spite of it and through it. If you plan to leave this man to look for a more perfect one, you’ll only get fooled again into believing that perfect relationships have no struggles. I had one woman who was married four times tell me that she would never have left her first husband if she had realized this truth.

Why not put all that time and energy you are spending now focusing on the negative and spend a little of it instead on improving your side of the marriage. Spend a little more focusing on his positives. You just might see a change in him too!

Now, I want to leave you with question. What is your purpose in life? Why are you here?

Until then remember, Don’t wait until you’ve lost it before you realize you had it.

Blessings,

Brenda

For more teaching and help in rescuing your marriage go to chapters 4,5 and 6 of Part One of Living in a Zoo? By Brenda Lancaster

Break Away with Brenda

Principal #3 Get Control of the Zoo!

Q. I am a young stay at home Mom of three kids. It seems like no matter how hard I try I can’t get things done during the day. I’m busy all the time and dead tired at night but to look around you’d never know it! The kids are a mess, the house is a mess and I’m a mess. How am I supposed to handle all this?

A. I have done a lot of things through the years. I’ve worked outside the home as a sales clerk in the early days, an office manager (and hated every minute of it!), and then as a business owner and partner with my husband. As a business owner I had lots of responsibility and people working under me. I’ve been in corporate board meetings, finance meetings, been responsible for the buying and hiring, and had irate customers to contend with. I have faced down men who thought I didn’t have a brain in my head because I was a woman. Now I’m an author and speaker before small groups and large. But I will tell you the truth - the hardest job I ever had was the stay-at-home mother of three little boys.

I’ll tell you another thing - anybody who discounts the worth and difficulty of the job is just plain ignorant, I don’t care how much of this world’s education they have. Ignorant people think women at home sit in front of the TV eating bon-bons all day, and if you watch much TV it is exactly what the producers seem to think as well. But, unlike their counterparts in the corporate world, moms don’t get 15 minutes breaks and an hour-long lunch during the day. They are lucky to get a break long enough to go to the bathroom by themselves.

I’ll give you another news flash too - most of what I did in the corporate world will not last past this present world, but everything I did as that mom will last for eternity. I do not regret one single day I spent in that small house with those 3 little ones, wiping noses, cleaning up spilt milk and breaking up fights among those three. I don’t regret one sink full of dishes I had to wash or even the night I had to clean poop off the wall at 3:00 am. It was so hard at the time and I was often a very frustrated woman. But, you see, there wasn’t anyone around telling me that what I was doing was important - more important than any other profession I could have chosen. For you see, the results of my time and attention to detail in the lives of my sons are still showing today. The fact they are all vibrant, secure, loving, strong, successful Christian men, husbands and fathers is a testimony to the value of all my hard work. Give me one other profession that could produce anything more valuable than that. Even my work now as a writer and teacher of the Word to women is not more valuable than that. The Word says not to live in such a way that we gain the whole world and lose our own soul. That goes for our children’s souls as well.

So honey, you hang in there, what you are doing is extremely important and valuable. And remember, this too shall pass, and when it does your are going to miss it! I know that is hard to believe right now, but its important that you enjoy your time with those little ones. Don’t sweat the small stuff 

Now, for the practical side of the problem - how can you get control over the responsibilities and handle the endless messes!  That question brings us to Principal #3, Discipline. Don’t you just hate that word?

In the corporate world they stress the value of time management and organization and I am here to tell you it is even more critical in the life of a stay-at-home mom.

Discipline is the first principal that requires physical and mental action and there are a few important facts you need to know about it.

 - First we must discipline ourselves before we can discipline our children. Discipline is a decision you must make in your heart and mind before you can put it into practice in real life. If we are not careful we try to live moment-to-moment hoping to do exactly what we want to do instead of what we ought to do, and that is where our frustration comes from. We want to go to the sale at the mall, but we ought to stay home and do the laundry. We want to have lunch with our friends like we used to do when we worked at the office, but we need to get the baby home for a nap instead. In other words, we must become unselfish with our time. We must often give it away instead of spending it on ourselves.  Yes, it is hard to do, its rewards are great and it will help you get control over your responsibilities. Once you do, you can then have a little more freedom in doing things you want to do. 

- We must discipline our children. I have witnessed so many moms who are absolutely living in a zoo because they won’t discipline their children. They feel like bad moms because they want their kids to do something they don’t want to do.  Every minute of your day does not have to be devoted one on one with your child. They need to see you fulfilling other responsibilities also. Otherwise they get the idea they are the center of the universe and grow up expecting everything in life to revolve around them. Yes, take good care of your children, meet their needs, teach them and train them, but don’t jump at their every command. Teach them a little self-discipline along the way. It will help tame the zoo.

- Decide what is important to you and your husband, and what is not, and then discipline yourself to handle those responsibilities first. With little ones at home all day long you can’t do and be everything to everybody. Your house does need to be neat and in order because it will help the time pressure if you’re not always looking for something, but it doesn’™t have to be perfect.  There are two extremes in stay-at-home moms. One is a controlling neat freak who thinks everything should be clean and in place at all times, and the other is the slob that lets her house go to pot with the excuse that there are children in the home. Don’t be either one! Let the kids enjoy being home with you, but don’t let them take over everything. Have one or two rooms where toys are allowed, but not all over the house. Make that rule and stick to it!  You are the Mom in charge over your children. Don’t let them be in charge! They will be insecure if they think they are. They want boundaries even when they whine about it. They need to know where they stand and when they do, they will be much more well adjusted.

- Plan some time for fun!  If you put it in your schedule you won’t feel so frustrated with all your responsibilities.

Well, our time is about gone for today, but remember dear one, what you are doing is vitally important to the life of your little ones, and to our world. Remember, the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. And our world could sure use some help in the ruling department about now!

Next time we’ll answer a question from a young wife about romance in marriage. Its entitled, My Knight in Shining Armor turned out to be Rusty! Learn what you can do to help put the sizzle back into your marriage!

Until then sweet sister remember this promise from our Lord, “I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13, and that includes being a stay-at-home Mom!

Blessings,

Brenda